Hello and Welcome!

I am, and always have been, a notoriously bad blogger. But I'm back to give it another try, one more time.

I seem to have rediscovered my "pep" in recent times, and I'm ready to try some new things, and get back into the things that matter to me... at this stage, this chiefly involves getting fit and losing weight (again!)




Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Update time

Our work server is down. Maybe the universe is telling me it's time for a blog update? Well maybe not, seeing as I could actually work around it and use a different server login with the computer hook up I have here. But as no-one else can do that, and they don't know that I can do that... well I can just waste time like everyone else, no?

I am suffering from extreme motivational issues at the moment. As in, I have no motivation at all. Nada. My alarm goes off at 5:15 every day. And I usually set a few on my phone for 5:25, 5:30 and 5:40. Turn them all off and roll over. Then end up being late because I don't drag my butt out of bed til 7. I did manage to get up and get a weights session in yesterday morning. But Monday's run? Nope. This morning's run? Nope. Sigh. I have really got to stop staying up way past my bedtime texting people and playing words with friends. It's not productive. Fun though.

It is a hectic time of year though, so I'm just rolling with it at the moment. Once Christmas is done and dusted, life should settle a little and I should be able to get back into some sort of routine. Please.

On the Christmas front, I've finished all my Christmas shopping, and I'm so impressed with myself. The last thing I was waiting on was delivered this morning, so I'll wrap that and a few other little bits and pieces tonight, and then we're all done. The great Christmas baking expedition happens this weekend (16 dozen mince pies on Saturday morning before I head off to do present wrapping for the Salvos. And then puddings, slices, truffles, shortbread and various other assorted goodies all day Sunday.) I can't believe the following weekend is Christmas. Where did this year go, honestly?

What else is new? My family is a kind of war zone at the moment which is pretty draining. Warring siblings, very sick father, depressed mother. Anyone want to trade families for Christmas? I swear I'm the only one who turned out half way normal... but then I think there's plenty of people who would debate that too :) Work is a bit up and down too, still very busy and still pretty stressful. But then I thrive on work chaos - it's the only thing that keeps me sane with the rest of my crazy world.

Not much else to report really, despite the extended time between updates! My insular little world just keeps going around, rat on a wheel style. One day I'll make some progress I'm sure. Until then...

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Greetings

I'm still around the place, just not posting much at the moment.

There's been lots going on in my life of late, but not much that I can blog about. In fact, I have realised in recent times just how little of my life I share on my blog. All I really post about here is the day-to-day mundane of my existence, and my trials and tribulations in the weight loss and exercise world. And at the moment, that leaves me with not much to report. I'm on and off the diet wagon more often than I can count (I'm officially back on this morning, in case you're wondering)! Exercise is a little haphazard. I'm not training for anything particularly, and I've been completely slack the last couple of weeks. But I ran 6k this morning and felt really good. It's the first time I've enjoyed a run in a long time, so hopefully that's a sign of positive things to come.

As for everything else in life... well, yeah. Lots going on at work, but I can't talk about that. A bit happening in my love life, but I can't talk about that. A bit happening in the family life, but I just don't want to talk about that, because it's depressing and I can't change it, and talking about it won't help.

So that leaves me with nothing, eh? Hopefully I'll get my running mojo back (or at least my general exercise mojo), and I'll have something to report on that front. Otherwise, things are going to be a little quiet around these parts. The two of you good readers who are unfortunate enough to get emails and texts from me about the stuff I can't talk about on here... well you can expect plenty more crap to come :P

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Life is ticking along

I have a church audit spread all over my desk. Church audits are really not my favourite thing in the world. In fact, they are a massive pain in the butt. Hence I am looking for ways to procrastinate away my available time, and what better way than to update in blog world.

Life is just ticking away at the moment. Nothing of any massive excitement to report on. Such is the life of an accountant eh? I've been going to the gym semi regularly, last week was a bit of a fail, but otherwise I've been pretty good. Eating has been OK for the most part. My weekends are pretty full, but mostly it's just boring stuff which is gaining good brownie points with the family, but boring me senseless.

A couple of exciting developments from the weekend just gone though:

  • I got the new iPhone. It rocks. I love gadgets, and this is a big step up on the old 3GS I've been using until now. The Siri voice recognition software needs some work, and some of the features don't work in Australia yet, but it's good fun. Some friends and I had some great laughs on Saturday night playing with it, setting reminders to go off at all hours of the night on each other's phones. Juvenile yes, but funny.
  • I got a new Polar. I have no clue where I have stashed my old one, but it was pretty beaten up anyway. The new one is pink and pretty, and I've taken it out for a couple of sessions - a walk up/run down Mt Lofty on Saturday, and an RPM class this morning. Works a treat.
  • I got new hair. I was thoroughly bored with waiting for my hair to grow, so I've had some extensions put in. The reactions have been a bit mixed, some people like the look of it, others not so much. But I'm enjoying having super long hair again for the moment. The lovely Kylie said that it makes me look younger, she's such a star :)
Plans for the week ahead? Don't really have any. That's not good. Let's make some up - 
  • Get to the gym every day
  • Try for a run (although the shins pulled up pretty sore from the Mt Lofty climb)
  • Get some freaking work done. I've found all new levels of procrastination recently (she says as she blogs away)
  • Leave some comments on some blogs. I still follow lots of people and read regularly, but I've become completely slack at commenting. Rude.
  • Drink lots of water and eat well.
That'll do. Until next time, blog peeps...

Monday, October 3, 2011

Unexciting, but productive, weekend

I've come back to work after a long weekend to have a rest! The weekend was not at all exciting, but it was productive, so I'll settle for that.

On Saturday I put in a new watering system in my side garden and out the front. See, not exciting, but very necessary and definitely good to have it done. On Saturday night I did nada. I was buggered, don't know why really, but I was.

On Sunday I was up in the dark (daylight saving started) to go to the markets at 6. It's weird going there in the dark again, but it will slowly lighten up as the days get longer heading into summer. I did a bit of cooking and a very little bit of cleaning, a bit of shopping, and then I took my dad to the footy. It was the prelim final, and it was just a horrible game. My team had scored 1 goal 4 to half time... then didn't score in the third quarter. Excited much? So, we got smashed in the game, and the season is over. My dad goes for the opposition though, so they're through to the grand final. They'll get smashed next weekend, but we might go along anyway. Dad seemed to really enjoy the footy, and it's damned hard trying to find things to take him to these days. He's just not steady enough on his feet or coordinated enough to do a lot of stuff, and he doesn't have a lot of interests. What do you do with a 70 year old with Alzheimers and Parkinsons, really?

Yesterday was the big day... I had a tonne of river pebbles and 2 cubic yards of organic compost delivered in the morning, and spent the day shovelling and barrowing it. It took about 7 hours and I was completely buggered, but the garden looks sensational. There is very, very little left to be done in the garden now, for which I am quite grateful, because it's been a long haul. It's taken me 18 months or a little longer to get it all sorted. I need to put up some trellising for an orange tree I'm going to espalia on the shed, and some more wire on the back fence where I'm growing grape vines. I need to adjust the edging on the veggie patches alongside the new pebble path I put in yesterday. Big enough jobs to be a pain in the neck, but nothing like what I've done so far. So that's exciting.

And now here we are at Tuesday morning. I went to RPM this morning against my better judgement, and my hamstrings seem to have completely seized up, so I'll hobble around a little today. My back and shoulders are aching from yesterday's exertions, and I'm a little sunburnt. But altogether, I'm happy with the weekend that was.

I've also finally got my head together, and started losing weight again. I got on the scales for the first time in a long time, and the number was ugly. But I've dropped 3kg in the last couple of weeks, and I'm feeling strong and in control of myself. Win.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Cranky

I'm cranky. For not a very good reason, but I'm cranky anyway. We are trying to organise a work trip, which is not coming together as quickly or as easily as I had hoped. It will still happen, but it might be 2 or 3 weeks away. I'm going to go CRAZY in this office before then. Damn it.

The rest of the world as I know it is actually going along pretty well. I've been smashing it out at the gym this week - RPM Monday morning, bit of cardio Monday night, a short run and some heavy weights Tuesday morning, Step Tuesday night, Pump Wednesday morning. My legs and arms are completely smashed now, and I'm not doing anything tonight, but it's nice to be feeling motivated exercise wise again. I was planning on a slightly longer run tomorrow morning, but the weather has turned to hell. I think we're having thunderstorms this afternoon. I'll have to see what it looks like tomorrow morning, I might be stuck on the dreadmill. I never last long on the dreadmill, so it might be another short run and something else to stretch out the time.

Eating is all good for the time being too. I'm actually under eating, which never ever ever happens to me. I'm not concerned about it, because I know it will turn around in a very short space of time and I'll be wanting to eat everything in sight again. That's when I'll have to be uber-vigilant again. Plus, if this work trip comes together, it will be good to have had some light eating days in there, because the calories do tend to get blown out of the water on these trips.

Nothing much else to report. I'm frustrated and dealing with it by hitting the gym instead of eating... that rocks. Still like to get past the frustration though.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The weekend round up

Well I'm not sure where that weekend went, but it could come back if it likes. Thank goodness for a long weekend next weekend. I am NOT WORKING on the long weekend, I'm seriously ready for a bit of a break.

I'm not sure I actually have a lot to report from the weekend that was, although I felt busy. On Friday night I worked late-ish, then cruised home and had a quiet one in front of the TV. My gym had a "festival of fitness" thing happening on Saturday which I was halfway tempted to go along to, but in the end I decided not to. If it was just for members I would have gone, but they do it as an open day/bring a friend type thing, and the classes get too damn crowded. The idea, though, is to see how many classes you can do back to back before you collapse. They were running Pump-Attack-Combat-Step-Balance all in a row, with a couple of RPMs at the same time as Pump and Combat so you could change into there. I think I would have only made it through 2 classes anyway!

So, on Saturday I was slow to get out of bed, enjoying laying there with the sun shining through the window. Once I got moving I did all the exciting stuff like washing and cleaning the house, then went grocery shopping, and called in on the parents to help out with a couple of things. In the evening I went out with the girls and saw The Beginners in town. Not a bad flick, a bit heavy and depressing at times, but worth a view.

Sunday was the usual early start for the markets, then lots of gardening and lots of cooking. I've got this week's meals all sorted and a couple even in the freezer. One thing I have certainly learned of late is that if I am not organised and don't have a stock of food ready to go, I'll eat something easy and crappy, and then I'll go crazy on a pile of other junk. No excuses this week, I'm all sorted.

And now for the week ahead. I dragged my sorry butt out of bed and made it to the 6:05 RPM class this morning, so that's a good start. I really don't like RPM, but I'm sucking it up because I'm sure it's good for me. I certainly wouldn't be doing it every day, but I think I can deal with once a week. I struggle with "cycling pain"... not injury pain, just the general good using-the-muscles pain. It's quite different from running pain or aerobics type pain, and to me it is oh-so-much worse. I really want to increase my threshold on that, and better condition my legs for cycling. And dragging myself off to RPM is the best way of doing that I think. It does make me cranky on a Monday morning though.

I was going to steal from Jess and make a "5 things I want to achieve today" list, but I actually can't be bothered. That doesn't auger well, does it? I'll just put one thing... get focussed at work and push out some work. I've been living on the procrastination train the last few weeks, and crap is piling up.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Long hiatus

I haven't updated here in a good while. I've been thinking about it, I just haven't got quite so far as doing it.

For once, my long absence does not mean a period of sloth and binge eating. Well there has probably been some of that in that time... but right now I'm in a pretty good place. I just don't want to jinx it.

One point of note, though, is that I am completely over running. All of a sudden I hate it. So I'm not going to do it for a while. I might still run a 5k a week to make sure I don't have to start completely from scratch when I'm over this little tantrum, but I'm not running 3 or 4 days a week. I don't want to and I'm not going to. So there. I have been suffering from some injuries of late, most notably from shin splints - and they only seem to bother me when running. I can do all manner of gym classes and I don't notice it, but hit the streets and I'm in agony. I think this is largely related to the stupid expensive running shoes I bought and hate. I'm going back to netball shoes, they just work for my feet. I haven't played netball in 15 years, but I like the shoes.

Having said that I'm over running, I did complete the City to Bay on Sunday. It's a 12km run and should be an easy one, given it's pretty much all flat or downhill. I struggled through it though (probably unaided by the fact I hadn't run AT ALL for 2 weeks prior. Yeah, good plan that). So I made it in 1:19:54, which is pretty damn slow, but a finish nonetheless. When I was skinny and uber-fit 3 years ago I did it in 1:01:45. I'd like to think that I'll give that a shake again next year - but for the time being, I'm focussing on doing stuff that I'm enjoying, which will hopefully help the trend of losing weight, which will help make running easier and faster. And so the cycle goes.

After a really rocky road these last few years, I finally feel like my head is in a good space. I'm enjoying the gym, I'm eating well, and dare I say it, I'm kind of happy. I don't know why the sudden change. To be honest my personal situation hasn't changed much at all. My dad still has Alzheimer's and is getting worse. I'm still working with businesses in administration and liquidation, which is really, really hard and stressful. My weight and fitness are still nowhere near where I want them to be. But I have finally come to the realisation that none of these factors defines me. They are issues that I have to deal with, and they shape my day-to-day life, but they don't define me as a person. I can find happiness whilst still being surrounded by shit. And that has to be a good thing.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

The pet picture roll




Introducing Grace...

And Caspar...

And both together last night, a lot more grown up and relaxing on my lap in front of the TV.



Here's Caspar giving me the finger lol



Finally, here are Bazil the Pug and Kali the German Shepherd, who live at Mum's place.




Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Quick update

I've been AWOL for a while, but all is well. I've just been uber-busy at work. When you work in a small office and someone is on extended sick leave... well, life gets hard. But I love the work, so I'm not complaining TOO much. A little less volume would be nice, but on the whole life is good.

In the non-working world, all has been going pretty well too. My running is coming along, although I am struggling a bit. Every run seems tough at the moment, so I think I've lost my rhythm a bit. I just need to keep plugging away at it and find my happy place again. Stats since I last checked in:

Saturday - 50 mins, 7.6km, avg pace 9.1km/hour. A fairly hilly course and I was smashed by the end of it. Long run day increases to an hour this Saturday, so I'm hoping it feels better.

Monday - speed work. 30 seconds @ 15km/hour, 1 minute standing recovery, 10 repeats. Speed work gets me every time, 30 seconds sounds like nothing but by the time I'm half way through the repeats I'm wondering if I might need to spew. Not good in any situation, but especially not in the gym. I survived with no such incidents though, thankfully.

Thursday - 30 mins, 4.6km, avg pace 9.4km/hour. My legs were a bit tight and fatigued from some strength work earlier in the week, and the last km of this run was torturous. Having said that, the first km was the slowest - it is all uphill, but only gradual inclines. I probably needed more of a warm up this morning, given the sore legs and cool atmosphere.

Outside of the running, I've bitten the bullet and joined the good gym. I've messed around with some cheaper ones in the last year or so, but it just doesn't work for me. The class timetables suck and the equipment isn't well maintained - there's a reason they're cheap. So I've joined at Goodlife, goodbye $910, but I did get away with no joining fee, no admin fee and a bonus month free. Still not cheap, but on the whole I don't think I did too badly. The gym has just been renovated, all the equipment is new and the group fitness timetable is pretty extensive. I've been for my initial trainer session and got a strength program written for me. They update these for you free of charge every 3 months. I'll give it a go, but I can't see myself sticking to it - there's stuff in there that I just know I won't do. For example, I HATE wall sits. Like, really hate them. I told her that, but she put them in anyway. They might be good for you, but I'm certain there are other exercises she could have substituted, given my views on this. I'll just change it around myself.

Casie - yes I do have some pics of the kittens, but I haven't uploaded them yet. I'll try to get to it on the weekend, I normally update my blog at work :)

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Today's Run

4.1km, 26:39, 9.2km/hour

This was the same route I did on Monday. The first km, which trends slightly downhill, was really really hard. I was at 6:35 pace for the first km - I've been known to do that stretch in 5:55 (although admittedly when I knew I was taking the downhill route at the end of the road, not the massive uphill in the opposite direction as I was today, so I was deliberately holding some in reserve). I was quite scared of how I was going to cope with the big hills given the poor start, but I found my rhythm and got through pretty well. 6:45 and 6:38 for the next 2 km, which had some nasty nasty hills in them. The 4th km I did in 6:07, but that's down some very nice hills. What goes up, must come down!

There's a long road ahead to get my running fitness back, but as they say, the longest journey starts with a single step. That's enough philosophy for today, I've got a busy work day ahead. Happy running one and all.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Been sick

Hi all, I've been absent again for a while... I've been sick :-( Not at-deaths-door sick, but nasty virus sick which put me off course for a week or 2. Last weekend I thought I might be dying. I'm slightly melodramatic when it comes to illness though. I'm very rarely sick, and I don't cope well when something gets me. Bossman told me last week that I should have been a bloke, the way I whinge about being sick lol.

Anyway, I am definitely through the worst of the sickness. I still have a lingering cough which is annoying and wakes me up a couple of times a night, but other than that, I'm pretty much over it. So it's back to normal programming - I went for my first run in a couple of weeks this morning. The Garmin battery died on the home stretch so I don't have the full stats (which is bloody annoying, but might encourage me to check my equipment the night before). The run wasn't easy by any means, but it wasn't as tough as I was expecting, so hopefully I haven't lost as much fitness as I thought I might have. I was running pretty slow, but it was also a very hilly route, so I was very happy just to make the distance and not have to slow to a walk on the massive hill in the middle. The nice downhill for the last km or so was lovely :)

Outside of the sickness and today's run, life has been pretty quiet. Lots going on at work, but mostly positive (which is nice after the year we've had!) The kittens are settling into the household very nicely, and we're building a pretty good routine for ourselves. I still need to be a bit more organised so that I can fit everything into life. I always make work my first priority, so that's not likely to suffer (bad priorities, I know). But I don't want my training to suffer, and nor do I want to leave the cats with not enough attention. Eternally seeking balance in life, that's me. I'm going to try to get to the gym tonight, although I don't think there's any good classes on. I might do a strength session and see how I pull up.

Until later...



Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Yay, and grr

First of all, yay. I won the give away on Jess' blog last week. And yesterday I rocked into work in the middle of the day after a couple of painful meetings with idiots, and what should await me but this:
How freakin' exciting is that! This little stash is going to hold me in good stead over the next 13 weeks of HM training. Jess also addressed the envelope to Megan (aka Whatalegend), which gave me and the new receptionist quite a little giggle too.

Secondly, another yay. Thank you Kylie for pointing me in the direction of Google Chrome for blogger. I have been cracking it at blogger using IE for a good while now, and Chrome seems to be working great.

And now, grr. I went out for my run this morning, which was 1km intervals with 30 second walks between km (well according to the program it's supposed to be 5 x 5 minutes running with 30 second recovery walk, but given it's pitch black and I can't see my Garmin, it's easier to just do 4 x 1km). I started out brilliantly and ran the fastest km I've done in some time... 5:47. It helps that it trends downhill and it was freezing so I was trying to warm up, but nevertheless, 5:47 it was. Anyway, I digress. I then did my 30 second walk, then hit what I thought was the lap button on the Garmin to start my next run interval... but it was the pause button. Damn it. I thought the km seemed to be going for a while, peered at the watch in the dark to see where I was up to, and found out I wasn't going anywhere at all. I had a 30 second walk, then pressed the right button for the next km (6:14 on a gentle incline, not too bad). Then for the last km, coming up the bigger hills... I pressed the damn pause button instead of lap AGAIN. I have no idea what time I did on km 2 and 4, which is bloody annoying. Km 2 felt good, km 4 felt hard - but then it was uphill, and I had gone out pretty hard.

Despite my technological deficiencies, I'm happy to have another run under the belt. Kylie, we might need to keep up this text messaging at 6am for my whole training calendar, I was really not keen on getting out of bed this morning, and you made all the difference!

On the non-running front, what else is going on? I went to the gym and did a step class for the first time in months on Tuesday. I love step. My calves are certainly feeling it now though (although interestingly they didn't bother me while I was running). I'm planning on doing pump tonight, although I might bail and go shopping for the kittens instead, they're coming home in 2 days :) Work is still rolling along. I have lots to do and very little motivation, which is not a good combination. But I'm working on it. And last but not least, tomorrow night I'm going to see Harry Potter 8. Can't freaking wait, I'm such a Harry Potter geek.

Until next time...

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Blogger is driving me crazy...

I can only post comments on about 2 blogs at the moment, grrrr.

Casie: Congrats on the marathon finish Casie - 4:50 is fantastic, you should be so proud of yourself. And the quick recovery is awesome too :)

Do the half in Melbourne... you might have to wait half an hour for me to finish, but it would be awesome. Or I guess I could wait and watch you finish the full marathon, either way!


Kylie: Thank God for our pact this morning, there was no way I was getting out of that toasty warm bed if it wasn't for the anticipation of a text message coming my way. It was nice to be up and at 'em early, even if it was fffffreeeeezing.

Mel: I haven't been able to post on your blog for a while. I hope this weekend was a brief abberation and you're feeling better soon. Your training has been sounding fantastic and I'm sure you'll kill the 70.3

Jess: I'm not ignoring your blog, but you've probably had enough of my opinions on the stuff with the tri-boys via iPhone. Still thinking of you though :)

Back into it

I have been slack again, I know. I apologise. But I'm back now, so that counts for something right?

I've been busy, but not so busy that I couldn't update my blog if I'm completely honest. I've been more busy procrastinating than actually doing stuff really. I've always had a propensity to procrastinate, and sometimes it's more prevalent than others. I've been through a bad patch with it, hopefully I'm back to normal programming.

On the training front, like every other front, I have been procrastinating. I've had a gap in my running, with a few half-arsed efforts along the way, so I know it's going to hurt to get my fitness back. Plus it's freezing and pitch black in the mornings, so all of this has been combining to give me a whole range of excuses not to get out there. Well it's now 13 weeks until the Melbourne half marathon which I have arranged to run with the lovely Jess at
http://www.tri-thatshowiroll.com/.

13 weeks is not a long time when you've let your fitness go to hell. With no time to waste, I made a pact with Kylie at http://kyliescuriosities.blogspot.com/ that we would both get up early and start our exercise plans this morning. I did it (and so did Kylie!), and I ran a nice brisk 4km at an average pace of 6:18. I started out fast and tailed off - for two reasons. One I just went out too fast, and two it's uphill on the way back! But that's a decent pace, and I'm happy with that as a starting point. I've got the same run programmed for Wednesday or Thursday morning, and a 40 minute run set for Saturday. I'll update you with my progress, I promise!

In other news, I'm trying out a new gym at the moment, and so far I quite like it. It's pretty big and has lots of classes, but none of the classes have been crowded at all thus far. The people seem nice and it's not full of posers and beautiful people (also a plus in my book). The downside is that I think it will be more expensive than I'm prepared to pay when my intro month is over, but we'll see what happens.


I am also preparing to welcome two new additions to my household. Caspar and Grace the British shorthair kittens will be joining me in a couple of weeks. It will be nice to have some company in the house, and a reason to leave the office, given I have a massive tendency to spend way too much time at work. I spent some time on the weekend clearing out some cupboard space and buying new cat related items - food and toys and the like. As this is as close to having children as I'm ever going to come, I guess this is my version of nesting. Can't wait for them to arrive though, I'm even taking a day off work to pick them up and get them settled in at home.

OK that's it for now. I'll be blog-stalking in your neighbourhood sometime soon :)

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Sunday update

Another week comes and goes. I am currently ensconced on the couch watching bad TV and thinking about being productive. I seem to do a lot of that recently - must get my act into gear.

I don't have a lot to update this week to be honest. Life is sort of cruising along, with no major dramas and no major high points. I have been a little slack on the exercise front, and I am really, really struggling for running motivation. But having said that, yesterday I decided to conquer the Mt Lofty trail. I'm not sure I can say I conquered it, but I did complete it. It's a 3.8km trail and it's damn steep. I finished it in 46:05 on the way up... bossman did it in 41:40 last week, damn him. It gives me something to work towards though. I was actually very close to throwing up about the 3km mark, so I really backed off the pace at that point. I have lots of work to do on my cardio fitness to improve my time - my legs held up well, but the lungs were burning. The legs aren't holding up quite so well today mind you, and my butt is SORE. Suck it up princess. I also ran back down the trail after a quick recovery at the top - 24:50 on the way down. It was surprisingly difficult to run down the really steep sections... but still a whole lot easier than on the way up.

And now the agenda for the week ahead. I want to get to the gym for a couple of pump classes and a Body Attack - I've been enjoying getting back into those. I also want to get at least 2 runs in, I really want to be back in the routine. It's also not as cold as it has been over the last couple of weeks, so my excuses are starting to run out.

As far as non-exercise plans go, my aim is productivity. I've got some crappy annoying jobs on at work that I just need to get done and out of the way. I need to stop procrastinating at home, and get shit done. And that involves getting off this couch right now!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Still alive!

It has been a veritable eternity since I last blogged. A lot of "stuff" has happened since then, and I've got lots going on again now.

As you may have gathered, there ain't gonna be a race report for the HM. That is incredibly hypocritical, because I HATE it when other people don't put up a race report. But, you know what, a lot of time has passed, and I can't remember the intricate details of the race. What I do know is that I wasn't adequately prepared for the race. I ate badly in the lead up and was not hydrated come race day. I wasn't mentally prepared either. I will learn from the experience, and make sure the next one is much, much better.

On other topics, I've been on a 13 day cruise around the South Pacific. I love cruising, it's really the lifestyle for me. Tragically there is not a lot of employment opportunities for accountants in the cruise industry (well not at sea anyway)... so I'll just have to suck it up in the real world, and take the occasional cruise holiday when time and funds permit.

Work has been very up and down since I've been back. We're quite a lot more positive about the future now than we have been so far. We're doing well at building up a good client base going forward, which is fabulous. However, we are having some trouble with former business associates, and the hotels are still a minefield. But it feels like we're making progress and things might be finally looking up. I certainly hope so!

Fitness wise, I've really struggled to get back into running. I went for my first run since getting back from holidays yesterday - it was tough, but it also felt really good to be back out there again. It's FREEZING at the moment, and so dark in the mornings... but I need to stop using excuses and just do it. I've got new running shoes, new running shorts, new running pants. Now to get new motivation and we'll be all set. I haven't been completely slothful, despite the lack of running - I've been doing some Les Mills classes, which I haven't done in years. My first Body Pump class resulted in me being pretty much unable to walk for the better part of a week. But that aside, I'm really enjoying it.

That might do it for now. There's plenty more going on, but I'll save it up for future posts. I promise to be more diligent in posting more frequently :)

Monday, May 2, 2011

HM: The aftermath

I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but I completed a half marathon on Sunday :P

Jokes aside, I am struggling to write a race report on this race. This might be partly to do with the fact that I am working 14 hours a day at the moment :( But it's also a lot to do with how I feel "after the fact".

The people I've been talking to about the race - my lovely blog peeps, friends, work people... well you're all a whole lot prouder of me than I am of myself. I don't get it - if this was someone else's blog and I was reading about them running 21.1km for the first time, I would be offering massive congrats. It shouldn't matter that the time was slow. It shouldn't matter that I walked maybe a kilometre along the way. I finished the course and I should be proud of the achievement. But I'm not.

Maybe with all the work crap going on, I'm just not giving myself time to sit and dwell on the achievement of it. Maybe it will hit me while I'm on holidays and finally having some down time. I hope so. But in the meantime, I feel... well, disappointed. I'm annoyed with myself that I didn't train harder in the lead up, and skipped too many scheduled runs, especially in the last few weeks. I'm also really pissed that I didn't get my act into gear and lose some weight, which would have made the run so much easier (and faster, no doubt). I really need to get my head straight, sort through these feelings, and move on. I'll come back faster and stronger... I'm just not there yet.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Brief update

HM status: COMPLETE!!!

Race report will follow this week, but let me just say, the blisters on my feet are out of this world, and I'm spending the day at work sans-shoes!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Freakin' out

My HM is in 4 days time. And I'm freakin' it. I am most certainly NOT having the best possible lead up to my maiden HM - but I'm going to do it, come hell or high water.

Now as you know, I missed the last long run of my training program, because I was having a mental meltdown. Well, that was plaguing me and I decided to do something stupid. The program called for a moderate-effort 8km on the weekend before the race. Because I was feeling underprepared and feeling like I know better than the program (which is written by marathon runners and coaches who clearly don't know what they're talking about eh?) - I decided to do a longer run. A much longer run. From home to work, 15km and trending uphill. I just put it into mapmy run, and it's a 65m climb over the 15km, including a constant uphill from 7.1km to 12.2km. No wonder I was buggered. I then road my bike home an hour or so later.

Was this run a good idea? On the whole I'm thinking not. It was good for my mental state of mind and my belief in my ability to finish the HM course. But possibly not so good for the body. I was having major pain in the arch of my left foot until yesterday, but fortunately that seems to have subsided. My legs pulled up very sore (and were made much much worse by the full day of gardening/landscaping with mofo heavy bricks that I did on Monday). I still have a very sore left hamstring, so I'm wondering if I slightly pulled the muscle whilst gardening, not sure. I also did the Saturday run in new attire... and let me just say... chaffing. I now have a massive bandaid stuck to the underside of my boob (sorry, but that's where it is!), and I am hoping that it will heal a little more before the weekend rolls around.

Just to top it all off, I'm like a rat on a wheel at work at the moment, no matter how many hours I work, stuff just keeps flying at me. It's often like that with a holiday on the horizon, but with all the crap that's gone down this year, it's worse than ever.

So, as I say, not ideal preparation. But no matter, it will be great to get this race under my belt. I'm already making tentative plans for my next race, so stay tuned for that :P

Monday, April 18, 2011

Head in the game

I have got a lot of "stuff" going on right now. Mostly not good stuff, but stuff which occupies my mind day and night, and is trying very hard to suck the lifeblood out of me. This all culminated on Friday with me having a minor meltdown at the end of the day at work. Fortunately nearly everyone had left for the day and didn't see the carnage, but one poor lady (who I know very well and work closely with thankfully) got the unpleasant task of trying to soothe me while I sobbed uncontrollably. Now I am NOT a cryer. Tears make me uncomfortable. But it all came flooding out on Friday, let me tell you.

On the weekend, I engaged in much therapy to heal my poor sorry self. There was a trip to Harbourtown with several clothing purchases. There was a trip to the kitchen shop to buy an awesome little machine called a Magi Mix (a kick-ass food processor for the non-bakers among you). There was a hair cut and a massage, and there was much baking done. Do I feel better for all this pampering? Hell yes I do. My mood has lightened and I'm feeling like I can cope with the crap that life is going to throw my way again. It was well worth the investment I think (just as well, because the investment was $1000 just in monetary terms...)

But on the flipside of all of this - I didn't do my last long run of my HM program. Saturday was supposed to be a 19km circuit before I start tapering down for the HM on 1st May. Physically I didn't feel like I could do it, and that might have been right, because I haven't been sleeping at all well, and my eating has been appalling. But moreso than physically, I was mentally burnt out and simply not up to facing it on Saturday.

I'm trying hard not to beat myself up about it, but I am a bit worried that I'm going to be too far underdone with my preparation for the race. The furthest I've done is 17.1km, so come race day I'm going to need to add another 4km onto that. Having said that, I know now more than ever that this is a mental game at this point. If I can physically do 17km, I can physically do 21km, it's not THAT big a difference. The difference is in my head, and that's what I need to work on over the next couple of weeks. I need to be feeling mentally tough and be confident in my ability to make the distance. At the end of the day, it's really not going to matter if I have to walk part of the race. In reality, who cares if I walk the whole freaking thing? I'm doing this for me, and all I can expect of myself is to do the best I can do on the big day.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

New update

Wow it's been a while. First things first... FALSE ALARM, FALSE ALARM. All is well (and thank goodness for that!!)

So, back to regular programming. I am currently in the midst of a sloth week - completely unplanned, but it's happening anyway. I ran on Tuesday morning (and pretty fast too actually - 4.8km in 28:33... I really should have gone on another 200m and got my coveted sub-30 minute 5k, but such is life). Today I was supposed to ride to work, and didn't. Monday I was supposed to cross train, and didn't. Tomorrow I am going to run in the morning though. Friday is a scheduled rest day, but I'll try and do something light, because I am feeling a bit slack. Having said that, I am going to make a concerted effort to be kind to myself. I am going through a really, really crap time right now, and putting extra expectations on myself is not helping anyone. Work is a whole new level of stressful, the family is being demanding, and there just aren't enough hours in the day at the moment. Such is life - I'm just going to do the best I can with what I'm facing, and hope for easier and happier times ahead.

Anyway, back to the running. We are now less than 3 weeks out from the HM, and I'm varying between excitement and freaking out. I did really well with my long run of 16km 2 Saturday's ago, including a pretty hilly circuit. But last Saturday's 17.2km was a bit of a disaster, which has dented the confidence a little bit.

It was pretty dismal weather and started raining not long after I set out, which didn't help my mood any. The biggest problem though was the pain in my legs - my right shin in particular. I've had shin splints before in my long distant gymnastics past, and I really don't want to go there again. I've had some soreness in the shins from time to time, but it usually passes pretty quickly as I warm up into the run. This didn't happen on Saturday though, and it just got worse. I eventually stopped about the 6 or 7km mark, and discovered I had a big egg on the side of my shin. I did some self massage and found a spot a bit above the egg which absolutely killed to push on it... so I pushed on it and rubbed it (and swore a lot), and managed to release whatever was causing the problem. Then I resumed the run, and about 3km further along, I was pain free. Weird.

So, by the 10km mark or thereabouts, I found my rhythm and did pretty well for the last 7km. Seriously, a 10km lead-in to the comfortable section? That's ridiculous. Anyway, the final time was 1:50, at an average pace of 9.3km. I have one more long run (19km) this Saturday, then it's taper time and the big race the following weekend. And then 2 weeks after that, I'll be sailing the South Pacific :-)

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Update

Two tests, one positive, one negative. WTF? Trust me to be in the 5% where the test is inaccurate. I'll be at the doc on Thursday to know one way or the other. Thanks for your PM's, I appreciate it :)

Friday, March 25, 2011

14.5km... mixed reactions

I am not that long back from my Saturday long run, which took off about 5 hours after schedule. I woke up when my alarm went off, felt like death, took a tablet and went back to bed. I still wasn't feeling it when I got up hours later, but I eventually dragged myself out and hit the roads. I don't know what's making me feel so tired and ick at the moment, but I wish it would go away, it's very annoying.

The early part was really tough and for a good part of the run, I really didn't feel like I'd be able to make it. But I just made a deal with myself to keep plodding along on my planned route, and when I couldn't run any more, I'd walk. I still had to cover the 14.5km, no matter of the pace. I managed to keep running the whole way, although there were a couple of pretty damn slow km's in there. By the time I got to the downhills at about the 12km mark, I felt OK - how perverse. At that point I knew for sure that I would make it home, even if it was slower than I would like.

In my defence, I was faced with headwinds today, which suck. The wind had pretty much died down to nothing by the time I looped back and was headed for home, and should have had a tail wind. Typical! I was also running in the sun a good part of the way. It's pretty cold here today, but even at low temperatures I don't like running in the sun. I think I'm part vampire.

Anyway, lap times -

1st km 6.08.71
2nd km 6.16.81
3rd km 6.12.45
4th km 6.10.96
5th km 6.24.15
6th km 6.22.04
7th km 6.35.39
8th km 6.40.97
9th km 7.01.62
10th km 6.46.42
11th km 6.47.42
12th km 6.35.44
13th km 6.18.34
14th km 6.16.92
0.5km 3.07.92

Total 14.5km, 1.33.45, 9.3km/h

Hmm, when I look at the stats, I'm wondering if I just went out too hard. The first 2.5km include some pretty good hills, so I might have been pushing a bit hard through there for a long distance run. Pacing, pacing, pacing. It would be good if I could find some routes that are more undulating rather than long steady downs, long steady ups. 3.5km constant gradual uphill from the 7km mark is unpleasant!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Tired

I'm really struggling with the tired's again this week. This morning I felt like I literally could not drag myself out of bed. I'm super glad it's not a running day, because I seriously don't think I would have made it out there. I did eventually drag my sorry ass out of bed in time to cycle to work thankfully - but it was a long hard slog the whole way, which kinda sucks. Hopefully I'll snap out of this sometime soon. Oh, that just reminded me to take a multi vitamin - maybe I'm low on something. Can't do any harm, right?

Anyway, I think I left off on Saturday morning with my last post, after a great long run. I didn't achieve a whole lot else on Saturday really - I did manage to go and buy the curtain fabric with my mum, but that ended up taking hours. That's the problem with going home, I can never just pop in there, they won't let me leave the house. We spent about half an hour in Spotlight, then I spent 2 hours trying to escape the house after that.

Sunday was a busy one, but surprisingly productive for once. Up for the markets first thing (really really dark now. I got up early so I could make us some coffees to take with us, sit in the car and drink them while we waited for it to lighten up at least a little bit). I felt the need to bake, so I made a sultana cake for my Pa, and a batch of hot cross buns. They were good too - perhaps a little more spice, but otherwise a good recipe find. Someone at work has kindly volunteered to be the recipient of the next batch, so that will be a good offload of next weekend's baking :-)

After the baking expedition, I did a bit of gardening in the rain (as you do). One vegie patch has been fertilised and will be ready for planting in 6 weeks or so. I still haven't made any headway with doing the edging pavers on the other 3 patches though, damn it. I did clean the house from top to bottom and do piles of washing though, so that was a good effort. I also went to mum's early for dinner, and put the pug in the bath for her. He was one stinky pug, something to do with the fact that he decided to roll in cow poo fertiliser last week perhaps. He looks a completely different colour now, nice and cream instead of dirty brown. I also took the pug and the shep for a walk... and it started to rain 5 minutes after we set out. It was just my day to get wet I think. The pug has made great progress on his fitness too - he used to refuse to walk in the rain (he would just sit down and refuse to move, I had to carry him!) Now he loves a walk more than he hates the rain, so he just kept trotting on without seeming to notice the rain. Go pug!

Monday morning saw me out for a scheduled 4.8km "easy pace" run. My legs were really heavy from Saturday's run and it was a tough circuit. I haven't got my lap times on me (well the Garmin is 3 rooms away, which is clearly way too far), but I think the time was 30:34 for 4.8km. I felt every metre of that distance too. I nearly gave into the fatigued legs last night, but instead I sucked it up and went to Step at the gym for the first time in a few weeks. I got through that fine, which leads me to believe that the fatigue and soreness is probably more mental than physical. I just need to push through it and toughen up a bit I think.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go...

Friday, March 18, 2011

Return of the sheep

The sheep is back. I've given it some thought, and I'm going to maintain my blog. I like it, and I like the friends I've made through the blog reading and writing process. It's important to me, so anyone who's reading it and doesn't like what it says... well quite frankly, they can p*** off! Having said that, I won't be saying anything more about my workplace on here (which in all probability will result in the interloper(s) disappearing anyway lol). Next time I need to offload a pile of work crap off my chest, Jess you should watch out, because there will be a MASSIVE rant email coming your way.

Right, enough of that. I've been a sloth this week. Just massively tired and disinterested since Wednesday's good morning run. I didn't run on Thursday, I didn't do any cross training or strength training. I sat on the couch and did nix. It was good though, and I think I probably needed it, because I feel a lot better today. In fact, I'm feeling pretty awesome right now. I'm not long back from my long run, which was 8 miles, or 12.8km this week. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it felt GOOD nearly all the way. How much does that freaking rock! There was a tough section where it is a long steady climb up gradual hills for 2 or 3km, but it wasn't so tough that I even considered slowing to a walk (although my pace did slow somewhat). And I fatigued about the 11km mark - the downhills from there were still comfortable, but the last bit of uphill in the last 800m or so was pretty challenging. The sense of satisfaction and achievement in finishing a run like that is amazing though. I'm really looking forward to the HM at this stage, and I am believing in my ability to be able to do it.

So, today's stats:

Distance 12.8km
Time 1.21.45
Average pace 9.4km/hour
Maximum pace 13.8km/hour (I don't normally record this one, but man that's fast! Wonder where I was running at that pace? Down a bloody steep hill no doubt).

1st km 6.07.36
2nd km 6.19.61
3rd km 6.15.63
4th km 6.14.81
5th km 6.20.92
6th km 6.31.99 (start of the uphill)
7th km 6.46.38 (ouchie)
8th km 6.44.58 (more ouchie)
9th km 6.26.77
10th km 6.18.98
11th km 6.04.64 (aah downhills how I love thee)
12th km 6.15.08
800m 5.18.62

Beautiful running weather today too. It would have been perfect if I had gotten up an hour or so earlier before the sun was in my face, but the temperature and gentle breeze are ideal.

Righty-o, that's running done for the weekend. My house is in need of some serious cleaning TLC, I need to go curtain shopping with my mother (bah... but she's going to sew them for me, so I need to suck it up), I need to make some progress on the garden paving (bah again, so over it). So that's me over and out for today... catch you next week peeps.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The sheep has been infiltrated

Someone who should not be reading my blog, should not even know about my blog, has been reading my blog.

I know you give up a degree of privacy when you decide to post stuff online, but I've done it under the mistaken assumption that I am largely anonymous. My blog is not for colleagues and family, it is a place for me to decompress, to try and sort out my thoughts and make sense of the chaos that sometimes surrounds me. That anonymity has been well and truly shattered.

I'm not sure what to do now. I love the interaction with like minded folk on here, and I would hate to lose that. I might turn this into a strictly running blog, and leave the rest of my life out of it. Censorship at it's best.

Fatigued

My legs are fatigued. They feel heavy and tight and like they don't want to run up any more hills. But these legs are going to have to suck it up, because there is another 6.5km run scheduled for tomorrow before rest day Friday. And then 12.8km scheduled for Saturday. Eep.

I'm not sure exactly why my legs are suffering so much, but I think it's a combination of factors. They pulled up fairly sore from last Saturday's long run, which granted was fairly hilly. I think the gardening work is what has really done them in though, because I'm rarely sore in the hamstrings (always in the quads), and it's the hamstrings that are feeling the worst of it right now.

On Monday I ran 4.8km in 29:45. It was a relatively flat course, but it was pretty warm and sunny, because I ran it after work (not having dragged my butt and sore legs out of bed in the morning). Yesterday I did the cycle commute, 15km to work and 18km home via a detour with a couple of extra hills - perhaps this wasn't the greatest plan given the leg situation. But those awesome downhills just make the uphills worth it, don't they?

This morning I managed to drag my weary self out of bed on time (despite the soreness and despite the lack of sleep because I went to bed late after watching crap TV AGAIN), and did 6.21km in 38:13. The program actually calls for 6.4km, but my loop ended there and I couldn't be stuffed running up and down my street to make up the distance. Anyway, I'm pretty happy with that pace, which averages out at 9.7km/hour. I'd like to get up to 10km/hour or 6 minute km pace, and it's moving steadily in that direction. Lap times were as follows:

5.55.65
5.55.82
6.03.47
6.10.15
6.23.38
6.28.91
1.15.74

Those first couple of km's were fast! They were also downhill... but they were still fast.

I am pondering throwing in a strength session at the gym tonight, but I also might just go home and collapse in a heap. I am seriously so buggered I can't think straight this morning. Lucky Bossman is still in NZ I suppose.

Monday, March 14, 2011

The morning after the long weekend

Howdy all. coming to you after a long weekend. Except that I worked 8 hours yesterday, on public holiday Monday. And spent half the day with a dumbass lawyer. But nevertheless, it will still feel like a "short week" because the rest of the office was missing. So I'll take it.

Anyway, what else has been going on? Well, there has been much running. I think I left off last time after an awesome Thursday run. Friday's run was much less awesome, as I was suffering some feet issues. I am quite mindful of my running technique, and trying to focus on heel striking less. I bought some Nike Frees which should theoretically help with this, but they gave me blisters like you wouldn't believe. So my poor toes are all taped up, and I've gone back to the Asics. I might try some walking in the Frees to see if I can get used to them, but I'm not that hopeful at this stage.

Saturday was long run day, and went quite well. I had plans for the day, which was helpful in getting me up and out of bed early-ish. I wish I would do this more often, it is a whole lot easier to run when it's 20 degrees and still pretty shady than when it's 28 and in full sun. So anyway, I covered 11.1km, in a time of 1:11 (doesn't that just have a lovely symmetry to it!) I felt pretty strong for the most part, which is encouraging. Kilometres 5 to 8 were fairly taxing, more so mentally than physically. I've come so far, but still got so far to go type of talk. But I pushed through, and finished off strong. The course I covered had an 82m ascent and decline in it as well, so it's not all smooth, flat work (which could also explain the pain in km 5 through 8... all gradual uphills). This is good training though, because the Greenbelt HM, while downhill overall, has quite a lot of undulations along the way I believe.

Outside of the Saturday run, my weekend was rather hectic. On Friday night I went out for dinner with the lovely Kylie and Ross, after Kylie's big head shave for the Leukaemia Foundation. What an awesome brave chick! They are actually an awesome couple all round - every time I catch up with them I always leave thinking that I should see them more often. You know those people who you just instantly click with and just feel completely comfortable with? They rock.

On Saturday, after the morning run, I picked up Mum and we went to the Gardening Australia expo. I love a good expo, although this one wasn't the best. A lot of very overpriced plant stalls, that's for sure. We did pick up a few bits and pieces though - I got a great tray table for outside, to go with my new barbeque (this is quite hilarious seeing as I never invite anyone to my house, but I'm setting it up just in case I ever decide to become sociable). On Saturday afternoon we hit the shops, and then on Saturday night I went out with some friends for dinner and a movie. Mixed results for the night out - breakfast pizza (bacon, egg, mushroom and bbq sauce) was a winner, it was devine. The movie, Catfish, was bloody weird.

Sunday morning started with the markets at 6am as usual, which is now very dark and being done by torch light. 3 weeks til the end of daylight saving, in case you're interested... Useless brother (who is being slightly less useless at the moment for some reason) came around with my niece later in the morning, and she was in quite good form, not a single tantrum. The new baby is due in a couple of days, so it will be interesting to see how the family dynamic goes once Lara isn't the baby of the family any more. On Sunday arvo I got into the garden, and finished off one of my vegie patches. Tragically there are 3 more to go, and the edging bricks are so freaking heavy and difficult to lay it's unbelievable. My hamstrings and arms were killing yesterday when I got up - I don't think my HM training program caters for "gardening exercise" and training breaks caused by gardening related muscle strain. Alas. On Sunday night I went out for dinner with the parents to Outback Jacks. I'd never been there before, but it's great. A bit pricey, but excellent food and service.

No wonder I'm tired after that weekend. Plus, I just can't seem to put myself to bed on time these days. I keep staying up watching bad TV and flicking around on the net. Tivo has a lot to answer for - it downloads programs it thinks I might like to watch, and I keep watching them, damn it! Last night I was kept up late by someone who was drunk-texting me from the overseas. That went on until about 11 and was actually quite hilarious, but I'm thinking he will be very tired and seedy today.

Anyway, time to get stuck into some work, huzzah.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Today's run

Last time I tried to add a post after I got back from my morning run, it got lost in cyberspace and I cracked a tantrum. If it happens again today, this might just be the last you ever hear from the Sheep...

So, today's run. It was awesome. I love love love running with the Garmin, getting my km by km summaries as I go along. Today was the first time in a long long time that I have run without a HRM. It's all in the mind I suppose, but I felt a lot more free to just "run" without the monitor on. That's actually a ridiculous thing to say, because I very often wouldn't look at my heart rate stats until I finished my run anyway. I don't know, can't explain it, but I liked running without the HRM. I'll have to think about whether I do away with it for all runs or just short runs, or use it intermittently for a while.

But back to how awesome today's run was. Here's the stats from my new friend the Garmin:

Distance 5.01km
Time 30:26
Average pace 9.9km/hr
Maximum pace 12.4km/hr

1st km 6:02
2nd km 5:55
3rd km 6:07
4th km 6:14
5th km 6:04

I am actually most impressed with that last km, which is uphill until the last 150m or so.

I've got another 5k scheduled for tomorrow, I just have to work out if I follow the same route or try something different. There are a LOT of 5k runs in my programme, so I've mapped out a few different routes to give me some variety.

Having this sort of accurate data though is pretty exciting. My goal over the next couple of weeks will be to do a 5k in under 30 minutes. Watch this space.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

ABCs

This is stolen from Jess over at That's Just How I Roll.

By the way, I had a lovely long running update written up and ready to post on Monday morning, and it somehow got lost between writing and posting. That really pissed me off and I haven't gotten around to rewriting it yet. I'll get there eventually.

But for today, an informational ABC post.

Age 30. Finally come to terms with it. I didn't handle turning 30 at all well though, let me tell you.

Bed size Queen. And it's all mine, I thrash around like a beached whale most of the night.

Chore you hate Cleaning floors and bathrooms. Sucks.

Dogs None that live with me. But my beloved pug Bazil and German shepherd Kali are at Mum's place and I visit them a couple of times a week.

Essential start your day item Breakfast

Favourite colour Blue

Gold or silver I wear both. I actually like white gold, just to be difficult.

Height midget. 5'4" or 165cm

Instruments you play I'm completely tone deaf and devoid of rhythm, so none.

Job title Financial Controller

Kids Eew. No thanks.

Live North-East suburbs of Adelaide

Mum's name Lyn

Nicknames Meegs, Moo, Kid

Overnight hospital stays A few. Tonsils out when I was 4, ankle operation at 13, and a couple for epilepsy episodes in my teens.

Pet peeve I have hundreds of them, I seriously lack tolerance. For today, it's people who call out to me as I walk past their office so I have to double back and deal with whatever crap they can't deal with themselves. Annoying.

Quote from a movie Nobody puts baby in a corner (Dirty Dancing)

Right or left handed Leftie. But if I'm going to bat or swing a golf club, I'll do it right handed.

Siblings One - useless older brother, age 35

Time you wake up 5.30 to 6am most days

Underwear Yes, always wear it.

Vegetable you dislike Artichoke. The texture is all wrong.

Xrays you've had done Several on the ankles, they've lived a charmed life. Trampolining will do that to you.

Yummy food you make I love to bake. I like savoury cooking too, but cakes and biscuits and breads and slices are my specialty. I have to give it all away the minute it's finished so I don't eat it though.

Zoo animal favourite I like the lions.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Evening update

I didn't quite get to the blog this morning, but I have an excuse. The internet was buggered at work this morning, and by the time it was fixed I had some other stuff that I had to do. You know, the stuff I actually get paid for doing at work.

Anyway, I have two significant things to report this evening:
  • I bought a fuel belt at Joggers World yesterday after I finished at the seminar. It cost $70 which kinda sucked, but I got the 4 bottle one and I can't wait to try it out for long run Saturday.
  • I ordered a Garmin 310XT today. This one's really exciting. I got a bargain too - I saw some recommendations for Highly Tuned Athletes on Cool Running forums, so I gave them a call. They had the 310 advertised for $429 on their website (RRP is $450), but they sold it to me for $399 including postage because of the Cool Running reference. I hate making those phone calls, but it's time to suck it up, because that's a decent saving. They're sending it express tomorrow so I should have it on Friday. Can't wait.

I gotta log on to work and get a couple of things sorted, so I'm over and out tonight.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Two days in a row, I'm on a roll

What is it they say, 3 weeks to form a habit? What do you think my chances are of blogging every day for 3 weeks to ingrain it as a habit? Hmm, me neither LOL. But I'll give it a go.

I went to Step last night, but the usual instructor is away. The fill-in lady seemed really unsure of herself, and I guess it would be hard to figure out how to structure the class when you don't know what the regulars are used to. I'm not sure if the same lady will be there for the next 2 weeks as well, but if so, hopefully she's learned some lessons from last night's class! This is the advanced step class, so we're used to a long and fairly complicated routine, and no scheduled drinks or recovery breaks. I think she was expecting us to take a lot longer to pick up the routine than we did, so we had put it all together and run through it about 8 times consecutively (which was getting a little repetitive), and there was still 15 minutes to go. She just added in some strength work, squats and lunges, to fill out the time which was ok (although it made me nervous... I didn't want legs that were too sore to keep up my running regime during the week!)

We shall see what next week brings, but I'm looking forward to the usual instructor being back. Her routines exercise my brain as much as my body most of the time. That's what I love about it actually - I'm not massively coordinated, so I have to concentrate damn hard to get the steps right. In doing that, I sort of forget that I'm exercising and don't pay any attention to the huffing and puffing and sore muscles. Tis awesome.

This morning I was back on the streets (in a good way of course). 5.2km run this morning, 33:30 to complete. I felt pretty good today, and had plenty left in the tank. Running up the last hill I felt strong rather than weary. I love those moments. I tell you what I hate though - extended daylight saving. It's not only dark when I leave at 6, it's still bloody dark when I get home at 6.30, and we still have more than a month til the clocks go back? WTF?

I have to go to a software seminar/sales pitch this afternoon from 2-4, and I have made the executive decision that I'm not coming back to work after it. The session is in town, so I'm going to take a walk down to Joggers World and see if I can spend an obscene amount of money on some running accessories. I'm a little bit excited about the idea of a fuel belt (thanks for the ideas girls!)

I've also convinced myself that I really do want to get the Garmin. I just need to decide between a 305 and a 310XT. From what I can gather, the selling points of the 310 are that it has double the battery life, and is 50m water resistant. The 305 has a 10 hour battery life, which in reality is more than sufficient for me, I'm no ultramarathoner. I also don't have any love for swimming (mainly because I suck at it of course). But somewhere in the back of my mind I'm thinking that I might want to try triathlon some time in the future. Do I make the extra investment now for something I might want to do in the future? Dilemmas, dilemmas. Any suggestions?

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Out of the habit

Wow, once you get out of the habit of blogging, it's a bit hard to get back into it. I've half started a blog about 5 times since I last posted, and given up before I got through with it. Time to turn over a new metaphorical leaf (in more areas than one...)

So, what's been going on? Work is all still up in the air, and it's driving me INSANE. Even if the outcome was bad, I could handle it if I actually knew what was going to happen. I could start making plans for the future. Unfortunately, it's all pretty much out of our hands at this stage, so we're just guessing at what will come next, when it will happen, and what we will do about it. We're expending loads of time and energy on making contingency plans for a variety of outcomes which may or may not come to fruition.

On to other news. HM training is going roughly according to plan, which is good. I've had to switch a few days around from time to time as life gets in the way, but that's fine. I've completed week 3 of the 12 week program, and it's starting to feel a little tough. I'm worried that I won't be able to do it, but I'm just going to keep pushing myself as far as I can and see what I can achieve. If worst comes to worst I'll do a 10k at the Greenbelt on May 1st, and try for a HM later in the year. But at this stage I'm still aiming for HM at Greenbelt.

The main reason I'm doubting myself at the moment is that my long run on Saturday was really hard. It was only 8km, and I struggled big time. Of course it would have helped if I had dragged my butt out of bed and got started early as planned, before it got too freaking hot. But I didn't, and I suffered the consequences accordingly. It was 27 degrees and humid when I took off (I hate humid. Adelaide never used to do humid, but it's happening a lot these days. Bah.) It was 31 degrees and still humid when I rocked home 52 minutes later.

I have 4 thoughts in mind for improving my long run issues at this stage:
  • I need to lose some weight. Seriously, I'm doing plenty of training, but I'm eating like a conveyer belt. STOP IT IDIOT.
  • I need to get up early and get the best of the cool weather. As Jess pointed out to me once before, I can always go back to bed when I get home :)
  • I need to find a way of getting some hydration somewhere along the way, especially if it's hot. I was gasping for water by half way on Saturday, and that's going to get worse as the distances increase. What do other people do, run along carrying a drink bottle? I hate doing that, but I might have to give it a go. Otherwise I might just die of dehydration, seeing as I sweat like a warthog at the best of times. (Alright, I might not die, but you get my drift).
  • I need to find a way of pacing myself. I'm giving serious consideration to buying a Garmin (although it's hard to know if it's just because I *want one* or if I think I actually *need one*). But I do have trouble with pacing - my mid week short runs never feel any easier, but when I look at my Polar data, it's probably because I'm doing them progressively faster. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but one run per week is supposed to be at EZ pace, and I struggle with that. I'm also concerned that in a race situation, I'll pace with other people around me and go out too hard. 21km is a long way, I need to learn how to run that at my own, sustainable pace so I don't run out of stamina half way through. Hmm, still need to ponder that one.

Right, I have been procrastinating at work rather badly of late, and it's time to get some work done. With all the future planning crap going on, my day to day stuff has been suffering somewhat. I've finished Mahjong Trails on Facebook, so that should help the productivity somewhat :-) Here's to a productive day...

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Still struggling along

Life is still struggling along, and I have continued to eat a lot of crap I shouldn't since my last confession. I was doing well for a whole day, until 7pm when I ate half the pantry. Not much worth eating in there now... so I went and bought crap to eat last night. Seriously, do I own a brain???

On to the positives though - I think I'm learning. I did buy (and eat) some stuff last night that was inadvisable at best, insane at worst. But I also stocked up on lots of other stuff that WILL be OK to eat, and hopefully I'll manage not to eat it all at once. I have this ongoing battle of being aware of my own eating frailties, while also being... well, a tight ass. If I don't have food (particularly snack food) pre packaged into individual serves, I am severely predisposed to eating the whole freaking lot. But pre packaged serves cost a lot more. Well, too bad budget - I'm buying the single serves. I can't be trusted to dish up my own serves at the moment.

So last night I bought small serve yoghurts (100g tubs). And muesli bars. And mini boxes of fruit/nut. And mini boxes of sultanas. I also bought some convenience food, which I have a major aversion to, but I'm looking for that moderation switch. I'm not going back to eating lean cuisines and whatever other crap frozen meals I used to inhale, that shit is toxic. But a box of pancake mix, some protein powder with artificial ingredients - this kind of stuff probably isn't going to kill me if used in moderation. It's all about trying something new, because clearly what I've been doing hasn't been the answer.

My second big realisation this week, which is something I have always known but just struggle to put into practice, is that I need a plan to work to. This will work with food too, and I should get myself sorted this weekend for that, but I'm actually referring to the exercise at this point. If I have a plan, or a schedule, or whatever, to work too, I'm pretty good at sticking to it. If I leave it to "whatever I feel like at the time", you can bet your ass I feel like sitting on the couch and eating crap. I had my evening bootcamps last month, and I went to them all (except when they were cancelled for excessive heat). That's over now, and I'm entering a phase of solo training, which could be a danger period. But I think I'm going to be OK, because I have my HM training schedule in place. I didn't feel like getting up and running this morning, but I did it because the schedule said I had to. I'll chalk that up as a win, and hope that it continues!

So far the HM training has been pretty mild (but we are only 3 days in of course!) Monday was 3.5km in the morning, and cross training (step class at the gym) at night. Tuesday was a cross training day - cycling to and from work, about 31km all up. Today is a 3.5km run, and then the night off. Tomorrow is supposed to be a 4km run in the morning (which I'll do), but the strength session at night won't be happening as I'm booked in for a massage - aah bliss. Friday is scheduled as a rest day, so I have to work out whether I add the strength session there, or just let it go for this week. I will report back in due course :-)

Sunday, February 6, 2011

I am still alive... just

Howdy peeps, long time no blog.

EDITED TO DELETE WORK INFO

Anyway, I've been wandering in the wilderness with all this crap going on, and eating my way through the metaphorical jungle. I have got to cut that out, and today seems as good a day as any to get back on track. Today is also the first official day of half marathon training - it starts out nice and easy the first couple of weeks, but ramps up pretty significantly from there. I think my biggest challenge is going to be "long run Saturday" - I've gotten pretty accustomed to sleeping late and being generally sloth-like on Saturday mornings, but given it's still summer and often quite hot, I'm going to have to suck it up, get up early, and get the run done. At least the first couple of weeks the "long runs" aren't really that long (4.8km this week, increasing by 1.6km per week until we get to 19.2km, eek), so it will give me a chance to get back into a good routine.

I do feel slightly better for getting all this crap off my chest in blog form, even if it hasn't actually helped to make any progress. I should come here more often :p

Just before signing off - I have still been reading other blogs, if not commenting on them to let you know I'm there. I'll try to get back to doing that too. Thanks to those who checked up on me in my absence too, kind words much appreciated xx

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Another busy weekend

Here we are again at Monday morning, and I'm pretty sure I'm as tired now as I was at the beginning of last week. I have seriously got to start getting me some good sleep or I'm gonna lose it. Weekends no longer hold that power of rest and rejuvenation that they once did, they're just as busy as the rest of the week, so I need to just get organised and have good sleep every night. Project for the week - get to bed 8 hours before I need to get up again!

So, the weekend. Yeah, busy. Friday at work was mental again (more demands from damn lawyers), but I managed to get out of here at 6.30, and headed to mum's place for dinner. She had a couple of little projects lined up for me for when I arrived - fix the computer, how does the scanner work, yada yada. Not too bad, I was home by about 10.30 (and would have been fine if I had actually gone to bed then, duh).

Saturday morning I procrastinated for a while, and eventually dragged by butt out of bed and onto the road for a run. I decided to try my 7.5km circuit in reverse, which was an extremely bad idea. Whilst it trends downwards in the early part and eases you into the run, it has a massive hill at about the 4.5km mark. I must map it out and see what the incline is. OK, just looked it up - an ascent of 46.4m in the space of 1.1km. Nasty. Anyway, I almost made it to the top, but at the point when I felt like I was going to chuck, I slowed to a walk for a couple of hundred metres, then resumed the run after that. I made it back to base in exactly 50 minutes, which made it dead on 9km/hour. Not massively fast, but I'm pretty happy with that considering the hill and the walking portion.

After a cool off (which included an ice pack on my feet and head, I was REALLY overheated), I headed for mum's place and took dad out for a swim. Not much swimming really gets done with him because I have to keep an eye on him all the time, but I managed to get about 400m in, nice and slow, my legs were protesting most of the way. Dad seemed to really enjoy himself though, so I'll have to take him again soon.

On Saturday afternoon I did a quick grocery shop, and spent the rest of the day cleaning the house and generally getting stuff organised. Saturday night I was out with some friends for dinner and a movie. Dinner was good, the movie was crap (Little Fockers... in case you're thinking of seeing it, the reviews are right, it sucks). I got home about midnight and had a major raid of the pantry (damn it), then toddled off to bed.

Sunday started at 6 for the markets, lots of lovely fresh fruit and veg to top up the supplies. I bought the best pineapple, it is to die for. Where is the Fraser Coast? I wonder if it's in the flood zone? Might not be any more pineapples from there for a while. After the markets Mum and I had our usual scrambled eggs for breakfast, then mum went home while I prepared dinner for the evening (pork and apple in the slow cooker - quite nice). Useless-brother came around to pick up some tin I had left over from my new verandah, and then I got stuck into the gardening, putting in some new plants and altering the watering system. I have also finally decided what I want to do with my remaining garden bed, and it involves digging a narrow trench in rock hard dirt to sink some edging bricks into. I got started on that, but it's bloody hard work. I reckon I got through about 1/8th of the digging, so that could be a long project.

Sunday afternoon was spent at the basketball, and we actually saw a rare win which was nice. I hate Sunday afternoon games though, it cuts into the weekend rather annoyingly. Anyway, after that Mum and Dad came over for dinner, and I kicked them out about 9 so I could go to bed!

I woke up at 5.30 this morning and did my usual do-I-don't-I with going for a run, and eventually decided on a nice short recovery run, just under 4km. My legs are still pretty tight, but I'm sure they'll be all the better for it. Tonight I've got my bootcamp session, so I'm hoping we don't do anything too hard on the legs. Famous last words I expect, the session will probably be full of squats and lunges knowing my luck.

I guess I better get into this work all over my desk... large sigh!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Work work work

Oh man, what a day it was yesterday. I got a deadline from the bank and the lawyers late on Tuesday afternoon (which the boss stupidly said we could do, and then promptly buggered off to Darwin, grr). I got to work at 7am and got stuck in - it was a massive project. I took about 15 minutes for lunch, but otherwise pretty much worked solidly until 6pm. I got changed and went to my outdoor fitness session, and then returned to the office. I made a quick omelette for dinner, and got back into the work. I eventually called it a night, or more specifically a morning, at 1am. I slept in a bit this morning and got to work at 8.45. I worked solidly til I finished, getting the reports out about 3pm - 3 hours after deadline, but pretty good under the circumstances I think. Here's hoping for a more peaceful day tomorrow. The boss is flying back from Darwin, so if I can avoid his calls in the morning, I'm home free until next week :)

So onto better topics, the group fitness classes - I really like them! I had sessions last night and tonight, and they're each completely different, other than the warm up jog and stretches. On Wednesday we did some relay runs with 4 people on each team. The losing team had to do a penalty, like 2o push ups or sit ups. Trainer Chris split us into teams, but probably didn't choose that well, he put the 3 fastest (me, the guy of the group and another chick) in one team, with one really slow girl. We blitzed the other team, so he started introducing a handicap, making our runs longer until the other team had enough of an advantage to win. It was good fun actually. The second part of the session sucked - ab work. I hate ab work. I know it's good for me, but I seriously hate it. Hovers and side hovers and leg raises. Blegh. Stage 3 was good though - run up and down two small flights of stairs, do 20 boxing cross jabs to Chris at the end, then run a circle around and back to the start. This was HARD, but really really good.

Tonight's session was a bit easier, but still fun. We started with relays again, but running up the stairs to the top of the grandstand and back instead of across the oval. Our team was way too strong again, but by the time Chris changed the rules and had 2 of our team doing an extra lap, it got pretty close and competitive (but we just won :0) Next up was the card game from hell - Chris had a page of exercises (like push ups, sit ups, leg raises, shuttle runs, burpies), with one exercise corresponding to each card. One person had to choose a card at random, and this dictated what exercise we would do. The next person had to choose 3 cards, and added together, this gave us the number of repetitions. Everyone seemed to pull out ten cards and aces (which are worth 11 apparently), so there were lots and lots of reps. We got push ups, walking lunges, then two lots of leg raises in a row, so my abs are really really feeling it now. The last game for tonight was rock paper scissors - loser has to run to the cone and back. A bit of a laugh, but the time passes so quickly, it's great. Trainer Chris is the first person I've ever met in fitness that has made me remotely tempted to have some personal training sessions. The way he sets stuff up and the exercises he gets us doing are innovative, and get my heart rate up really high, which I generally struggle to do (I maxed out at 181 yesterday, 176 today. I normally don't get above 170). My only complaint about the sessions at the moment is that there's too much recovery time, I'd like to push it a bit harder. Of course in a PT session we'd be able to do that, because he wouldn't have to cater for other people's fitness levels. I'm still not sure I can justify the cost though.

Foodwise, I've been pretty good the last couple of days. I ended up slightly over my calories yesterday, but given I was awake for 20 freaking hours, it wasn't too bad. Today I'm well under, and I don't have anything worth eating in the house! I wish I could bottle this kind of motivation for food and exercise, it comes in such short waves.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

zzz

A quick blog update and then off to bed with me, I'm stuffed today. I'll also need to be up bright and early tomorrow, I've got some work that has to get out first thing in the morning (damn it).

Last night I had my first Fresh Fitness session. I was very nervous going in, but the good news is I'm not the unfittest or the fattest there! It's quite a small group, only 10 of us (9 girls and 1 token guy). The trainer is really nice, a bit shy and hard to talk to, but then I'm like that too. It's a bit hard to tell from one session, but I think I'll enjoy my month of sessions in this group, just to mix it up for something different. We started out with a stretching session, then did some shuttle runs, and had to drop down to the ground and jump back up every time he blew the whistle, and then keep running. This was amazingly effective for getting the heart rate up. Next up was some sets of push ups, sit ups and squats. The third activity was walk/sprint intervals around the oval, and then a cool down. He has promised us more game type activities in future sessions, so I will be interested to see where it goes. At this stage there are 3 of us who show competitive instinct and are the front runners in the running activities. I think the guy will be too good for me, but I'll keep pacing myself with the other girl and use her as a motivation to push harder.

Today I cycled to and from work, and did a longer loop on the way home to make it up to a bit over 20km on the return journey. No flats for the second ride running, woo hoo! The bike feels so much better after the last tyre fix up, so I think it's been running rough for a while. Last week I burnt 677 calories on the way to work, this week 438! My cycling fitness has gone up a notch, particularly with the long ride on Saturday, but not that much in a week. It's good to have Matilda back in tip top shape.

The plan for the rest of the week... I won't get a chance to run tomorrow morning, as I'll need to be at work too early. I plan on running Thursday and Friday mornings though. I also have Fresh Fitness sessions Wednesday and Thursday nights. I haven't quite figured out a plan for the weekend yet, I'll play that by ear for now.

Be good kids.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

HM plan & weekend round up



Greetings and salutations. A quick one today as I actually have quite a bit to do this afternoon!
Kylie has kindly rectified my current technology deficiency and explained how I can upload my HM training plan (thanks Kylie!) And so here it is.


Hopefully you can read that. If you can, any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I've been having fun on Buckeye Outdoor, starting to map out some runs for the appropriate distances, but I have just freaked myself out by discovering that the 12 week plan involves running over 300km. That's a lot of km. But I guess that's the idea.

As for the weekend roundup, I'm sort of feeling like I've come back to work this week to have a rest, the weekend was all go. Friday night I took home a pile of work and sat under my beautifully cool air conditioner and got into it. The air conditioning at work died on Thursday last week (and is still dead now, not happy Jan), so nice cool air was a blessing.

Saturday morning, I was up early for a big bike ride day with Kylie. I left home at 7.15 and met Kylie in town at 8am. We rode about 15km together around the city and parklands, nattering the whole way. We had some sustenance at the kiosk beside the Torrens, and surprisingly talked a bit more! We then went our separate ways to cycle home. All up I covered 45.6km for the morning, and had an awesome time.

Saturday afternoon involved all manner of dull house cleaning, cooking and garden type duties, followed by an evening at the basketball. It was a shocking game, sorry I bothered really.

On Sunday, I had my usual early start for the farmer's market. I did some more work around the house, and then had a visit from some people who bought some furniture I had sold on eBay - I'm so happy to have it out of the way (and the $100 wasn't bad either). I then went shopping with mum for a new washing machine for her at Harvey Norman, and some plants for me from Bunnings. The afternoon was spent cleaning out and reorganising the shed (which is now looking fabulous I might add), and planting some of my new stuff. Oh, and launching an attack on the shrubs out the front which have decided to take over my garden. Sunday night I went to mum's for roast pork... plus everything else under the sun that I raided from her cupboards and fridge. There is something about that house that just makes me want to gorge myself, I have got to break that habit dammit.

I've bought another online fitness voucher thing, and I have my first session booked in for tonight. As the day goes on I'm getting more and more nervous about it, I have to meet the trainer at 6.10 to go through some details, before the session starts at 6.30. It's an outdoors group training type thing, with a maximum of 15 people in attendance. What if everyone is a size 8 fit-freak? Bah. I'll be fine once I'm there, but I always hate these first sessions. Suck it up princess.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Back on the wagon

OK, so it's taken a while (a GOOD while), but I'm finally back into it. I can feel those cobwebs blowing out as we speak. Technically, I thought I was going to throw up those cobwebs as I ran up a nasty hill on my first run in weeks this morning... got to get rid of them somehow right!



So, where did I leave off on my last post? Oh, that's right, I was planning on going for a run on Tuesday night. Yep, that didn't happen. I went home and ate the rest of the brownie slice instead, oops. The good news is that the brownie slice is all gone, and so is the rest of the binge-inducing food from my house. I was looking around for a late night graze last night, and I couldn't find anything I wanted to eat, so I went to bed instead. Score.



Yesterday I had my first return to the work cycle commute. It was tough going - 670 calories burnt on the way to work, max heart rate 171 and I felt like I was chewing on my lungs going up a couple of hills. The way home was slightly easier, until I got another #$!% flat tyre... 3rd flat in as many rides, I'm getting seriously pissed about this now. I'm taking it to get fixed today, and I'll ask them to check the rims and see if they're damaged or anything while they're at it - the bike didn't feel smooth right from the start yesterday, sort of clunky, like the back wheel isn't completely round. That can't be good.



Today, I laid in bed with angel and devil on opposing shoulders, arguing about whether to get up and run or lay back and sloth. Surprisingly the get up and run angel won. I'm super happy to have that run under my belt now, a couple of hours after completion... but at the time, I was in a world of pain. Interestingly my legs held up well, I didn't feel any soreness at all while running (although I'm sure that will present itself later in the day). The struggle was simply cardiovascular fitness, and seriously burning lungs. Hopefully the fitness will pick back up very soon, with a bit of consistency.



This leads me nicely to my next topic. In a moment of insanity, I have decided to try to train for a half marathon this year. On the 1st of May in fact. I'm thinking I might be a bit short of time to get myself fit enough for this, but I'm going to try anyway and see what happens. I've downloaded a training program, and slightly modified it to suit me. I'd love to share it with you, but I can't figure out how to copy and paste my beautiful table into my blog, and I've just spat it after trying to do it about 5 different ways. If any of you lovely technologically advanced bloggers would like to share the secret with me, I'd be much obliged. Feeling seriously inadequate right now :(