Head in the game

I have got a lot of "stuff" going on right now. Mostly not good stuff, but stuff which occupies my mind day and night, and is trying very hard to suck the lifeblood out of me. This all culminated on Friday with me having a minor meltdown at the end of the day at work. Fortunately nearly everyone had left for the day and didn't see the carnage, but one poor lady (who I know very well and work closely with thankfully) got the unpleasant task of trying to soothe me while I sobbed uncontrollably. Now I am NOT a cryer. Tears make me uncomfortable. But it all came flooding out on Friday, let me tell you.

On the weekend, I engaged in much therapy to heal my poor sorry self. There was a trip to Harbourtown with several clothing purchases. There was a trip to the kitchen shop to buy an awesome little machine called a Magi Mix (a kick-ass food processor for the non-bakers among you). There was a hair cut and a massage, and there was much baking done. Do I feel better for all this pampering? Hell yes I do. My mood has lightened and I'm feeling like I can cope with the crap that life is going to throw my way again. It was well worth the investment I think (just as well, because the investment was $1000 just in monetary terms...)

But on the flipside of all of this - I didn't do my last long run of my HM program. Saturday was supposed to be a 19km circuit before I start tapering down for the HM on 1st May. Physically I didn't feel like I could do it, and that might have been right, because I haven't been sleeping at all well, and my eating has been appalling. But moreso than physically, I was mentally burnt out and simply not up to facing it on Saturday.

I'm trying hard not to beat myself up about it, but I am a bit worried that I'm going to be too far underdone with my preparation for the race. The furthest I've done is 17.1km, so come race day I'm going to need to add another 4km onto that. Having said that, I know now more than ever that this is a mental game at this point. If I can physically do 17km, I can physically do 21km, it's not THAT big a difference. The difference is in my head, and that's what I need to work on over the next couple of weeks. I need to be feeling mentally tough and be confident in my ability to make the distance. At the end of the day, it's really not going to matter if I have to walk part of the race. In reality, who cares if I walk the whole freaking thing? I'm doing this for me, and all I can expect of myself is to do the best I can do on the big day.